Sunday, June 19, 2011

Nose-ticism for Pagans

Stephen has been obsessed with noses since 1967 when he first got acquainted with the FireSign Theatre. We should send them invites to this group. Later on, in the 80s, those nose references became cocaine references. Tegwedd didn’t care about noses until 1974 when she met Stephen. Clayton O’Clearach and Stephen started the Order of Nose-ticism in 1974 about the same time as the Great Wild Beast Furtherment Society was founded by them. Stephen started to follow the left hand path of Nose-ticism when he discovered cocaine. Tegwedd tried it but it didn’t do anything for her, so she quit. She really couldn’t see what all the fuss was about, really. Ten years later Stephen returned to pure nose-ticism when forced to watch “Apocalypse Now” on a small TV set, severely censored. Don’t get him wrong, he’s still a dark member of the left hand path, just minus the cocaine. Tegwedd was told decades ago that young women were paying thousands of dollars to get a nose just like hers.

We are planning on sending invites to the members of FireSign Theatre inviting them to all of our comedy groups, and making them honorary Grand Masters. We hope this will be sufficient bait, or should we say bate for them? Get it? Master-bate. All hail the divine and inscrutable Nose, for whom all other noses are held silent. We honor and give you homage. We encourage you to join Firesign Theatre for Pagans. You can get all of Firesign Theatre’s albums on Rhapsody. If you want to own the physical CDs, and have the money, you can order them from Amazon. Some of the album titles where you can find nose references and mentions are: “Back from the Future,” “Everything You Know is Wrong,” “Dear Friends,” “Marx/Lennon aka How Can You Be Two Places at Once When You’re Not Anywhere at All?” and “The Giant Rat of Sumatra,” to name but a few. This is our homage to the 4 crazy men who changed the face of comedy on this side of the pond in the 1960s. They are still operating today. Check out their website. We both belong.

Clayton O’Clearach was Stephen’s partner-in-crime for several years. They fed each other’s weirdnesses, just as we do now. Stephen wants to make him a Grand Master for he co-founded the Nose-tic Philosophy and religion. We are in the process of re-writing the 6th and 7th books of Noses the Stephen and Clayton wrote back in ‘73. In it we ‘ll reveal the secret orders . For those who have a warrior’s bent there is the Order of the Broken Nose. For all you crime stoppers out there, there is the Order of the Sniffing Nose. The Order of Wisdom and Knowledge, there is the Nose That Knows, whose motto is the Nose Knows. For those who have a medical bent, there’s the Order of the Runny Nose. Doc would’ve belonged to that one. For those who have an athletic bent, there’s the Order of the Broken Nose. That is one order Tegwedd would never belong to, hating sports as she does. If you can think of any other orders, or those persons worthy of grand mastership, please post about them, along with why you think they are worthy. Tegwedd will start. She proposes the late great George Carlin because of all he said about putties, all of whom have noses. At this time, we’d like to turn your attention to our other comedy groups. We’ve already mentioned Firesign Theatre for Pagans.

One of our earliest, if not the first comedy group, was the Order of Humor Magick.. The premise of this group is very simple, that there is magick in humor. According to Tegwedd’s 3rd ex-hubby the Delphinius the best way to banish evil spirits is with a good guffaw. We encourage you to join this sister group to Nose-tic Philosophy for Pagans.

The next group is the Dead Parrot Fan Club. It pays homage to the comedy group the Monty Python. It replaces the Monty Python Fan Club, which we are trying to let die because it has no moderators. But some damned spammer keeps reactivating it. Yet Yahoo keeps killing groups we do want to keep without warning us first. That, and their draconian procedure for forming groups is why we are no longer forming groups on Yahoo. Four out of the six members members remain alive and active.

Paranoia for Pagans happened because of a mistake on Stephen’s part. He meant to say “Paranormal for Pagans,” but it came out “Paranoia for Pagans”. Tegwedd wrote it down that way. We decided it was a Freudian teddy, and developed the group. We then started to dredge up all kinds of paranoid fantasies and conspiracy theories. If you have paranoid fantasies and/or conspiracy theories, bring them here! Stephen wants to mention a book by Rob Brezsny that Tegwedd has in her library called “Pronoia” about the how the universe conspires to make us happy. She urges everyone to get a copy and read it.

Putties for Pagans is about putties, what Stephen calls cats. It’s a sister group to Magickal Familiars and their Powers. Magickal Familiars is not a comedy group, but Putties for Pagans is a comedy group because putties are funny, and they all have noses. There is, therefore, a tie-in with this group. Stephen mentions this because he is loony tunes. Some of the noses are pink like Pyewacket’s and Vampirella. We have a hexagram of putties. We use primarily Freyja and Bast in our magick.

Geriatrics for Pagans starts at age 40 and goes up from there until death. Sorry, but you can’t join if your are dead. Undead, we can handle, so vampires are welcome, but not the dead. We have 3 requirements. 1. You must be at least 40 like the kings and queens of the Minor Arcana. 2.. You must be alive and able to type on a computer. 3. You must have a sense of humor. We are in our 60s. We’ve discovered that there are many humorous things about growing older. If you can’t type on a computer, perhaps you can get a child or grandchild to do it for you. We want to hear from you geriatric Pagans. How are you doing in the Pagan community? Do you feel that you are a strong part of the Pagan community? Speaking for ourselves (mostly Stephen) we feel we have a serious problem in the young members of the community. As the late great Rodney Dangerfield would put it, “We don’t get no respect!”

Back to Nose-tic Philosophy. One of our motoes is, to use a variant of Firesign Theatre philosophy, “Follow the nose wherever it goes.” Also there’s “A nose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

Professional noses work for the Wine, perfume, food, and environmental industries. They’re very important to these industries. In food, they’re important because most of what we think of as our sense of taste actually comes from our sense of smell, our noses. All our taste buds on our tongues can taste are sweet, sour, salty, and bitter. That’s why when you have a cold or sinus infection, any time you have nasal congestion, your food tastes flat. claims to have lost his sense of taste in the Cook County Jail in 1969, but in truth what happened was that he lost a lot of his sense of smell.

Tegwedd did some online research on professional noses, and hit the mother-lode. You can find the same article she did by Googling “professional noses”. She did get this quote from that article. “Some peoples noses can detect between thousands of perfumes, herbs, spices, and flowers. Other people are employed to sniff out fumes and odours [sic] around factories to see how much pollution is being caused.”

A famous astronomer from Denmark, Tycho Brahe after whom the Tycho Basin on the moon is named, lost the end of his nose in a sword duel, and it was replaced with gold. Pinocchio’s nose grew longer with each lie he told. Cleopatra was known for her great beauty, sophistication (she spoke 7 languages) and large nose. Cyrano de Bergerac, the main character in the book and movie by that name was famous for the size of his nose.

To summarize, Stephen’s been obsessed with noses since 1967 when he encountered the Firesign Theatre with all its nose references. We encourage all of you to join Firesign Theatre for Pagans. Our other comedy groups are: the Order of Humor Magick, the Dead Parrot Fan Club, Paranoia for Pagans, Putties for Pagans, and Geriatrics for Pagans. We are planning to re-write the 6th and 7th books of Nose-tic Philosophy. There are several Orders: the Order of the Bloody Nose, the Sniffing Nose, the Nose that Knows, the Order of the Runny Nose, and the Order of the Broken Nose. Professional noses are a vital part of the wine, perfume, food, cosmetic, and environmental industries. A good Nose can tell between thousands of perfumes, herbs, spices, and flowers. Go to , ,
join and call 1-888-611-7982 for a reading, a class, or research.